Living Bravely: 10 Ways to Live Your Life Purpose
Fear. It can be said that fear is the greatest enemy of the mind. The time lost on fear can be the difference between achieving a life dream and putting it off indefinitely. We hesitate. We doubt. We wait. We let ourselves off the hook, saying it is too hard. We remind ourselves of our weaknesses, and say, “it’s impossible.” Fear paralyzes our greatest passions. The simple words , “I can’t” are the death of many dreams.
When I was a little kid, I used to work at my parent’s grocery store in Washington Heights, and I saw an immigration lawyer’s office. I said with certainty, “Mom, that is what I want to be.” My father believed that being a lawyer was not a career for a woman, and my mother who lived vicariously through me, saw my success in my science classes as a sign I should be a doctor. I forced my way through a pre-medical major, but things never really clicked. My dream felt hijacked. The circumstances around me created a perfect storm to live up to expectation, rather than my personal quest and my dream crashed.
Some dreams we lose, but it doesn’t mean we should give up. Eventually, the dream will return, or a new one takes its place.
One part of following a dream is accountability — and I’ve learned the greatest accountability is not to others, but to ourselves. Finding a way to go beyond passion and follow the ugly day-to-day struggle of pursuing a life purpose is no easy feat. The beautiful unfolding journey changes us permanently.
There are other feelings that creep up in me. Mainly, strength and determination — immeasurable qualities — that seem to appear magically as we reach the top of the mountain. These aren’t empty words.
Here are steps, strategies, and mind exercises, to help you pursue a life goal:
1.Develop A Gritty Mindset. A psychology researcher, Angela Duckworth, set out to study what made people successful. It came down to one key quality — Grit — the tenacity to not give up and keep going in the face of adversity. This sense of conscientiousness distinguished those who rose to the occasion and did great things. In her book, “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance” she discusses examples of people who kept going despite the odds, and found a sense of duty and consistency to meet their life goals. This solid commitment to their dream and following through with all the necessary steps along the way, was the single greatest predictor of life success.
“Grit is about having . . . .a goal you care about so much that it organizes and gives meaning to almost everything you do. . and grit is holding steadfast to that goal, even when you fall down.” -Angela Duckworth
2.Show Up, Be Consistent. Show up every day. If this goal will make you grow, there will come a time that you will want to give up. Some days you’ll be on top of the world, and other days you will feel like curling up and going home.
I’ve come up with a strategy that helps: On the good days, write down how you feel and capture that emotion so that you can use it later to fuel your tank. On the bad days, take out a piece of paper and write down why you started. Read the affirmations you wrote when you were on track. Dig deep and close your eyes. Imagine yourself already having achieved the goal, giving a speech for others who are following your path. Is it worth it? If so, do the detail work — and show up everyday. Imagine what people in the audience ask you — or what you say in this speech whenever you feel like throwing in the towel.
GENIUS IS ONE PERCENT INSPIRATION, NINETY-NINE PERCENT PERSPIRATION.
– Thomas Edison in 1903.
3. Reject social expectations. It may seem counter-intuitive to reject social norms to follow a goal, but it is often necessary. Yet, those who were the “first” to do something, made it to the “top” of a field, or achieved something new had to think beyond the current expectations society placed on them. Rethink the confines of society, family, cultural, gender and age expectations in your life. Personally, growing up in a Latino household placed many gender roles on me about taking care of family, over following personal pursuits.
“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” ― Paulo Coelho
There are countless examples of society conflicting against people’s personal goals. A great example is the book and movie, “Hidden Figures,” exploring the history of women of color in NASA, who often went unappreciated and unseen while doing extraordinary, key work for our country during the space race. Many of our stories are often told retrospectively, because we lack awareness of the present, or our position in history. Many years later, our individual goals may be a source of inspiration to others. What may seem like a very personal dream, may become someone’s blueprint.
Breaking ‘unspoken rules’ will only make your achievement greater in the end- do not let it stand in your way- do not listen to the people close to you who tell you it can’t be done because of XYZ, instead work to change XYZ. Use it as fuel.
4.Don’t Aim for Perfection, Aim for Progress. Perfection is possible when we do one task, and take all of energy to do it without any mistakes, even if it means giving up other things important to us. Perfection does not help us grow, mistakes help us learn.
“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.”
― Lisa Kleypas
If we aim to progress and see our goal as a way of self-development, we will begin to see that perfection is not only impossible, but unnecessary. Excellence comes, not from avoiding mistakes, but from continued practice and dedication to the task at hand. Growth is greater than one perfect product, because it means we mastered something with ease and flow.
5.Honor Your Past. What made you the person you are today? Personally, my story is one of taking care of others — and sacrificing my dreams and personal goals in the process. There is no shame in what I did, in fact I am proud of it. Life does not stop coming. Our past can fill us with doubt. But instead of running from our past, how can we give it a place of honor in our life? I use the word honor intentionally because it is a word that highlights the most positive aspects of adversity. It describes how our deepest scars can mold us by fire. Honor means to respect, or hold with a sense of integrity and principle. Although the ugliness of our past can not be erased, if we see it as something of honor — we begin to see that our having survived it is honorable, too.
What did our past teach us? How did we show strength? What does this pain say about who we are? Take that and put it into your life purpose — write it down next to your goal.
Once I knew only darkness and stillness… my life was without past or future… but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living. -Helen Keller
At some point I realized that my life goals would not come knocking at my door, I had to work harder. I had to find a way to honor the person I had once been — a supporter, a healer, a caretaker, and realize that person could also be a leader, seeker, and go-getter. These parts of who I was could be balanced and find a way to pursue my life purpose. This process of honoring our past is by no means easy — it took me ten years and years of compassionate self-discovery. Yet, what I see now is a woman willing to stay true to herself.
6.Keep Learning. What distinguishes people who succeed is an insatiable drive to learn. Take a related class, read a book or attend online workshop and learn all you can related to your goal. For example, one thing that motivates me is a free Harvard law class I am taking on Edx.org. In addition, I am taking a writing class called “The Masters” class which features best-selling authors’ advice on writing. Both of these experiences have strengthen the pursuit of my goal. A key to self-development is learning, because not only does it open new pathways in our mind, it stimulates our creativity. Take for instance, learning creativity. At one time, creativity was thought to be an innate skill. Yet, education research by E. Paul Torrance found that creativity could be likened to a skill that could be explicitly taught. He encouraged risk taking and mistakes, and his life work lead to the development of gifted programs through the world. Learning is one of the greatest ways we take a risk, because we are opening our mind to new ideas.
Manifesto for Adults
Being a Beyonder means doing your very best, going beyond where you have been before, and going beyond where others have gone.
-They are tolerant of mistakes by themselves and others.
-The beyonders take delight in deep thinking.
-They are able to feel comfortable as a minority of one.
-They love the work that they do and do it well.
-They have a sense of mission and have the courage to be creative.
-They do not waste needless energy trying to be well-rounded.By: E. Paul Torrance and Garnet Millar
Taken from E. Paul Torrance — “The Creativity Man” an Authorized Biography. Garnet W. Millar. 1995.
7.Be Your Own Guru or Wise Owl. There is not one person in this world who knows you better than yourself. Really think about that for a minute. Your hopes, your fears, and your dreams are all there for the taking. It may sound metaphorical, but we have the needed tools to address our life’s greatest challenges, we just have to find ways to tap into them. As a child, the first day in Girl Scouts, we read the story of a little girl trying to find a wise owl. The girl set out on a quest in the forest, but the owl told her the girl was in the lake, of course, in her own reflection. This story may seem trivial, but as a child I remember it was the first time I saw the power I had to choose in life — to be the person who helps others. We have the power to control our own destiny.
8.Redesign your life to your goal. Look at your current life situation. We may say “it’s impossible” or “it’s too late” when we look at the steps needed to pursue a goal. This is a special moment. It is the key moment we must push forward even harder.
“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” — Pablo Picasso
At this moment resign yourself to make your goal a habit, and stick to the plan. The day by day of following a dream is not glamorous, in fact, it is downright hard. Research suggests that it takes 21 days to form a habit, and that is laying the foundation of your goal work. Take a planner and label it “goal work” and find a slot each day to do different things that will enable your goal. Overcoming this fear and doing the dirty work the first month. This is the part of the process that makes us different people at the end. The success is just icing on the cake. What part of our life situation is actually possible to change? What aspects of our life can we change to fit our goal? Write the monthly and weekly steps needed to achieve this goal. Break this down into a calendar of daily tasks. Don’t forget to incorporate family, relationship, and spiritual goals to align to your new dream.
You may start to think, “I won’t have time for all this.” Yet, your family and relationship will not be forgotten. Ask yourself: Will you feel revitalized and happy if you pursue your dream? Often, you will find more energy and satisfaction in ALL areas when you are following your goals. This is because you are living to the fullest and actualizing yourself. Instead of taking time away, your dream has the power to enhance your life.
9.Realign Your Life. Consider the alternative. Sometimes attempting a new endeavor we realize it is not what we wanted. Resigning yourself from an incorrect goal, at the right time can save valuable time. The important thing is to quit for the right reason. I should have quit my major in college, but I forced my way through it because I did not want to fail. As a pre-medical major, many classes did not fit my greatest strengths, interests, or even what I wanted to do in life. Due to cultural expectations, I often did what my family expected of me. My parents pretty much decided my major for me, and I ignored my interest in other careers related to humanities and writing. By the time I realized, it was too late to change majors. In some instances, quitting is not sign of weakness, but an opportunity to realign more closely to our life’s purpose. We must distinguish the difference between quitting and realigning our priorities. Quitting is giving up. Realigning is an intentional choice to change direction.
10.Connect to Something Outside Yourself. Connecting to something greater can help us finding meaning or keep us on track when we feel lost. Maybe it is a higher power, a cause, or a belief in something greater than yourself. Whatever it is, this aspect of our lives is more important now than ever.
if you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to be with the spirit. — Oprah Winfrey
Key figures that have changed history share one thing in common- their pursuit became more than just a personal pursuit. It had an element of transcendence in something outside themselves — something that they wanted to give the world, permanently change, or say is possible. As you follow your goal, incorporate a practice, ritual, or reflection focused on your intention. Find ways your personal intention relates to the world. It will not only help guide you — but it will focus your energy when you most need it.
How do people do it? The answer lies in the reason people set out to do impossible feats — belief. It inspires us to wonder what we are truly capable of if we truly believe in ourselves. That isn’t a platitude, it’s a challenge. Perhaps one of the greatest challenge we will ever face alone. If it seems impossible to you, take it as a sign you picked the right goal.
Remember I said about writing a speech to your future audience? This is my speech.
In the end, our dreams are always with us — whether we achieve them or not — they never really die, because they are a part of us. If we can get our dream into the world we are fortunate, but if we never reach it, we also learn valuable lessons. Either way there is nothing lost. Achieving the dream is definitely the harder, but more fulfilling path to take.
Live bravely. You can do this. And the world wants hear about it when you do.
